Ceremonies

Dear Jayna,
I’m taking this opportunity to talk to you about something very important. I know that by the time you’re reading this you’ll have figured out that your dad and I are not religious. It’s not that we don’t believe in god, we just don’t agree with organized religion or blind faith. We never understood our parents’ need to follow certain customs without any logical reason. In Hindu tradition there are so many ceremonies for all these different life events. Your dad and I went along with all of these things for our wedding and are doing one more ceremony before you’re born. Your Nani in India started talking to me about doing some ceremony I “have” to do after you’re born. For the past 27 years I have gone along with whatever they have asked me to do without any reason to back it up. This time I decided to stand my ground and said no. Truth be told, they have not had to do half the ceremonies they are now asking us to do. When I said I wouldn’t do it the only response Mummy had for me was that I have to. No reason, no logic. We will not impose any of these things on you. It’s great to be respectful and to do things to make your parents happy,  but I believe it’s also our job as parents to respect our children’s beliefs. I don’t think our parents understand this concept. They just keep trying to live vicariously through us or give us what they didn’t have. We won’t try to do this to you either. We will try our best to respect your individuality.  You’re not in this world to please us or carry out our agenda. You’re here to be loved for who you are and to become your own person.
Love you for who you are, 
Mommy

So Much To Tell You!

Dear Baby Desai,

I am so sorry that it has once again taken me so long to write to you. A lot has happened and changed since your last ultrasound on New Year’s Eve. We’ve really spread the news of you to everyone we can. All happily received of course! On January 18th we officially moved into our new house. We had a lot of help between your grandparents and Uncle Ryan to get settled and unpacked. Your dad has been working tirelessly on the weekends to take care of what I can’t and get our old house ready for sale. He has been amazing. I made sure to put a lot of effort into making him aa special Valentine’s Day dinner to show him my appreciation. I also gave you a little pep talk asking you to kick hard enough so daddy could feel it. You were easily persuaded after my homemade molten chocolate cake. You’ve been growing well and kicking stronger and stronger. I’m 20 weeks now, so we’re half way there!

Yesterday was a very big day for us. We had our 20 week ultrasound and a very important piece of news was given to us. We were very excited to find out that you’re a girl!

My dear Jayna Lexi Desai, as your name has been picked out for a long time, I could not be more excited hearing this news. I have always wanted a daughter. Daughters are amazing. I know we’re going to have our disagreements and fights and drama, but let me share a few things with you that I’ve learned in my 27 years of being a daughter.

Daughters may be known as being Daddy’s little girls, but daughters grow to be their Mom’s best friends. Daughters take care of their families in a more nurturing way than sons. Daughters add so much joy and love to a household and family.

Your daddy is coming around. Not to worry. I know he’s going to be great with you.

Today he sent me this awesome article about rules for dads with daughters. It’s a great list. Be sure to let me know how many he gets through!

http://www.fromdatestodiapers.com/50-rules-for-dads-of-daughters

The fact that he’s even reading something like this proves to me that he has nothing but the intention of being the best dad to you he can be. Remember this and forgive him when he falls short. He did not grow up with sisters and he’s going to have some challenges but I know he’s going to love you so much!

I also wanted to take this opportunity to explain to you where your name came from. I may have already explained it to you by now, but I guess it’s nice to have it in writing (so you know I didn’t change my story along the way). I wanted to find a name that really meant something. I wanted to try to name you after someone I admire. Thankfully, your name covers a lot of people I admire. I don’t know if your Great Uncle Dennis will still be around when you read this to have heard him say this, but he always refers to me, your mausi, your grandmas, and your great aunt as the infamous Jain Women. Your grandmas’ and nani mausi’s maiden name is Jain. The inspiration for your name also came from the fact that the first time I told Nani Mausi I was pregnant, she said “This would have been your grandfather’s first great grand child.” We lost you great grandpa at the end of 2011 right after we all left India after Payal Mausi’s and Ankur Mama’s weddings. We had hoped he would be around long enough to welcome the next generation, but his health was rapidly declining.

For better or worse, the “Jain Women” are a force to be reckoned with. They are the 3 of the strongest, most loving, intelligent, caring, nurturing, selfless, crazy, hard-working women I know. Your Nani from India made one of the biggest sacrifices anyone ever could by giving me up to your other Nani. Your Nani who raised me, is one of the most hardworking women I know. She works endlessly and puts everyone ahead of herself. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She also fought cancer and won. She never let it get her down. Your Nani Mausi has worked hard her whole life and continues to work on her career. She’s a great doctor, tons of fun, and has been through so much in life. It amazes me how much she has gone through and how strong she continues to be. She also made the selfless act of adopting your Shilpa Mausi to give her a better life. It hasn’t always been easy for her but she has been one of the best mothers I have ever seen. There were so many times growing up that I wished she was my mom and she has given me a great example to follow. Not to say your Nanis didn’t do a good job or weren’t good mothers. Nani Mausi was just more in touch with what it was like growing up here and she was a lot easier to talk to.

I can’t say we’ll be perfect parents by any stretch but I can promise we will try our best not to do the things we wished went differently with our own parents. I’m sure by now you’ll have seen how different your two sets of grandparents are. There were so many times I got frustrated with my mom for not listening and being quick to judge. I didn’t find her easy to talk to or have the most open relationship with. A lot of times conversations where I was just trying to talk to her ended up in arguments because she was very opinionated about what I had to say. I am really really going to try not to do that with you. I hope that you can always find that you can come to me with anything. It is my full intention to be there to listen to your problems and be as unbiased as possible. If you do find me interjecting too much, just know that it comes from my need to protect you.

We will always be trying our best. And we promise to love you all the time no matter what.

I can’t wait to meet you, Jayna.

Love,

Mama Desai ❤